


Offer Me: Seireitei Date Auction

by taichou



Series: ABC (Easy as 1 2 3) [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: ABC (Easy as 1 2 3), F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-02
Updated: 2013-03-02
Packaged: 2017-12-04 01:37:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taichou/pseuds/taichou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a ridiculous idea. Much like all the ideas Shinigami Women’s Association ever came up with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Offer Me: Seireitei Date Auction

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the askboxmeme Alphabet Drabble Prompts. Accidentally ran away with it and now it's more than a drabble.
> 
> General Prompt: a drabble about one character giving another a gift.  
> Specified Prompt: Seireitei Date Auction
> 
> Disclaimer: BLEACH belongs to Kubo Tite

This is a _ridiculous_ idea. Much like all the ideas Shinigami Women’s Association ever came up with. Well, after another demonstration of Kusajishi Yachiru’s lack of restraint and priorities, _of course_ the SWA would run out of funds. This is what happens if you give a child unsupervised control over things she doesn’t even care to understand. And this is also what happens when you let the child talk (more like scream) everyone into one of her stupid, stupid schemes.

Brat.  
  
“I don’t see what’s wrong with the idea,” Matsumoto Rangiku barely looks up from filing her nails, “I mean, it is quite an attractive way to raise funds.”  
  
“Plus,” Ise Nanao supplies while flicking through her ‘statistics’, “It would probably be the fastest and most efficient way.”  
  
“I refuse to believe there aren’t any...more dignified... methods of fundraising,” Soi Fon glares at the rest of the occupants in the room.  
  
Kuchiki Rukia snorts, “What, like taking stalker shots of your fellow shinigamis?”  
  
Soi Fon will not stoop down to her level and grace her with a response so she continues on as if Rukia has not spoken, “Either way, you cannot force my participation in this activity.” She refuses to allow them to tarnish her pride and her good name, even if it’s for a “good cause”.  
  
“You’re quite right, Soi Fon-taichou. We cannot force your participation. All we can hope for, is your willing participation to aid your fellow club members,” Unohana Retsu speaks up from the far corner, where she’s been quietly observing their discussion, “Ara. Did I not mention that everyone was quite worried about your left arm, Soi Fon-taichou? It would be considerate to show them you’re _alive and well_ , don’t you think?” She ends her sentence with a soft smile.  
  
A soft smile that sends a chill down every one of their spines.  
  
The sudden tension in the room makes it hard to breathe. Of all the horrible sights Soi Fon has ever witnessed, nothing terrifies her more than the tiny, almost unnoticeable spike of reiatsu of the ever calm Unohana.  
  
Unohana takes a sip of her tea, “I trust that Soi Fon-taichou would take more time to consider our request?”  
  
“I-I- I suppose there is no harm in participating,” She finally stammers out while trying to ignore the sympathetic looks the rest of the members of SWA are throwing at her.  
  
“Good. That is settled then.” The smile plastered on Unohana’s face turns a lot warmer, melting away the previous tension. “Nanao-san, looks like the Gotei 13 Date Auction is now official.”

 

* * *

 

No matter what anyone says, this is still one of the dumbest, most uncreative fundraising ideas Soi Fon ever participated in. It’s not like Unohana-taichou pressured her into this, no. It’s just that those fools clearly haven’t got any better ideas and they’ve run out of time. Consider this Soi Fon’s act of charity or good will, whatever.  
  
This is for a good cause, after all. Soi Fon reminds herself as she tightens the obi of her flowery yukata. (All those liberal splashes of pink.) The material is restricting and the style is so unlike her. But what can you expect when the rest of the SWA decided to use her to play dress up.  
  
Ugh. At least she’s not suffering this alone.  
  
Most of the captains of Gotei 13 would be auctioned off today. Well, a date with the captains would be auctioned off. Soi Fon has to admit, quite begrudgingly, that Nanao is right when she said that this is the fastest way to fundraise. After the defeat of Aizen, the usual fawning and worshipping of the captains have now escalated to a whole new level of frenzied obsession. Despite their initial tentative reception, even the reinstated Vizard captains proved to be pretty popular.  
  
The more the crowd anticipates this event, the more Soi Fon dreads it. Of all the things she could be doing at this time! A troublesome date with a rabid fan would not decrease the size of her stack of paperwork. Plus, her entire squad taking today off to “cheer her on” would only mean a perfectly good training day wasted. See why this is just ridiculous?  
  
Rangiku pokes her head into the dressing room the WSA has _kindly_ provided for the sole participating female captain, “You ready to go?”  
  
Soi Fon tosses her braids haughtily over her shoulders, “When am I not ready for anything?” Whatever. The sooner this is done, the better.  
  
“Well, we do have a little bet running,” Rangiku says as she accompanies Soi Fon to the backstage waiting area. “The highest bid would either go to you or Toushirou.”  
  
She rolls her eyes at Rangiku but she’s being ushered towards the stage before she has the chance to reply. If she does score the highest bid, then consider her sacrifice of dignity not wasted. Anything lower than that... would be unacceptable.  
  
From her place behind the curtains, she could hear the captain that’s currently being auctioned off. Soi Fon’s not exactly sure if she should be amused about the rather poor bids for Zaraki Kenpachi or feel sorry for him. His overwhelming lack of appeal is unsurprising - he probably interprets the “date” as a duel. Any sane person would never place a bid-  
  
“5,000 Kan for Ken-chan!”  
  
Well, Yachiru is clearly insane. Or kind enough to throw him a pity bid.  
  
There’s a weird pause before the auctioneer speaks again, “All right, we have 5,000 Kan. Do we hear an offer of 5,500 Kan? No?” The auctioneer is speeding through the usual procedure. Not that Soi Fon could blame the poor guy. 5,000 is already an unexpectedly good bid, even if it’s from the president of SWA herself. “Going once!”  
  
“Is that all you weaklings got?” A demonic laughter thunders out, “Come on! You fools afraid to fight me? Komamura! Why aren’t you bidding? I expect you to be thirsty for a rematch!”  
  
If there’s a wall, Soi Fon probably would have smashed her head into it in second-hand embarrassment.  
  
“Going twice. Sold!” The auctioneer cuts in before Kenpachi could scare away the rest of the attendants. “A date with Zaraki Kenpachi of Division 11 goes to Kusajishi-fukutaichou for 5,000 Kan.”  
  
Soi Fon watches as Yachiru happily drags a confused Kenpachi backstage. Well, that took far too long. And no, she hasn’t spent the last few minutes stewing in her own anxieties. She was just squeezing her fists to get used to her newly restored left arm. Please, Soi Fon is the Captain of the 2nd Division and the Commander of the Onmitsukidou, for god’s sake. So she takes her place, centre stage, chin high and wearing her usual arrogant smirk.  
  
“Throw the highest bids you possibly can, you lowly peasants,” She mutters to herself as she surveys the crowd. “I dare you.”  
  
“Ok, a date with our only female captain participating today, the ever mysterious leader of Division 2, Soi Fon. Since Soi Fon-taichou is highly desirable, we’ll start the bids at 10,000 Kan.”  
  
Her smirk widens as several hands shot into the air, eager to outbid each other. The bid climbs quickly from 10,000 to 100,000 within minutes. Soi Fon can’t say she isn’t pleased with the result, but 100,000 is still a far cry from Kuchiki Byakuya’s bid of 250,000 and Hitsugaya Toushirou’s 300,000 Kan.  
  
“200,000 Kan!” A booming voice calls out.  
  
Soi Fon’s face blanches as soon as she recognised the source. _Oh, god, no_. She spots him soon enough, standing way too close to the stage for her comfort. It’s not that hard, considering his hulking stature and his disgusting sense of style. Trust Enjouji Tatsufusa to be throwing out such a high bid in his only chance to date her. Unfortunately, there is no way she could refuse a date if he does win. See, this is why she never wanted to do this in the first place. That Yachiru brat...  
  
“200,000 Kan? All right, any offers of 250,000?” The auctioneer looks around at the dazed crowd. Sure, the ladies of Seireitei wouldn’t hesitate to throw out a few thousand Kan for the _ikemen_ captains. The men... not so forward. Especially knowing her reputation as a... cold, hard bitch, to put it in such ungraceful terms.  
  
A voice, familiar in its smugness, interrupts with a careless drawl, “Here, an offer of 250,000.” Urahara Kisuke loiters near the back of the crowd. His striped bucket hat covers his face, except for that infuriating sly smile. She catches his lazy wave at her.  
  
Right, so is today Antagonise-Soi-Fon Day or what?  
  
“If you win, I will disembowel you in your sleep,” She mouths at him, knowing full well that he can easily read her lips from that distance.  
  
Urahara simply grins back. He gives her a nonchalant shrug before flipping open his fan and hiding behind it. _Damn that insufferable asshole_.  
  
“300,000!” Enjouji yells out, sounding absolutely enraged.  
  
Well, crap.  
  
Soi Fon doesn’t even spare him a glance, instead, turning to look at Urahara. Usually, she wouldn’t be this desperate to even seek his help, but this is an emergency situation. Urahara, being the jerk that he is, refuses to meet her eyes. He even turned his back on her. She continues to glare daggers into his back, imagining herself firing shunkou shots at him. If she concentrates hard enough, maybe he’ll feel a bit of pain or something. She is not going to lose this without dragging someone else down with her.  
  
When no one seems to respond to the counteroffer, the auctioneer raises his hammer, “Soi Fon-taichou, for 300,000 Kan. Going once.”  
  
Urahara yawns and stretches. Soi Fon is practically begging him with her eyes but he just chuckles at her. She makes out a not so apologetic “Sorry, can’t save your ass this time” before he puts his fan back up.  
  
“Going twice.”  
  
She’s back to full on glaring at him now (If she isn’t wearing this yukata, she could have shunpo-ed down the stage, smack that poor excuse of a hat off his head and get back without anyone noticing). She'd rather endure Urahara’s smug face than the stupid cocky look on Enjouji as he counts down her doom. She may want to punch Urahara, but if she risks even a small glance at Enjouji right now, she probably won’t be able to stop herself from viciously murdering him on the spot.  
  
“So-“  
  
“400,000.”  
  
Soi Fon’s head snaps up so quickly, she’s pretty sure she’s suffered whiplash. Or she’s been standing in the sun for far too long and now she’s dizzy and hallucinating. But even without the confirmation of the new reiatsu signature, the coy smile and golden eyes twinkling back at her from the nearby rooftop are more than real enough.  
  
As the Captain of Division 2 and Commander of the Onmitsukidou, Soi Fon can’t help but feel a little frustrated that Shihouin Yoruichi is always there, at the very last minute, to save her even though she’s more than capable now. But the young Shaolin Fon that still lives – hidden deep in her heart – can’t stop the warmth and affection arising, unbidden, from the mere thought of her unfailing Yoruichi-sama returning for her.  
  
If Soi Fon is to be perfectly honest to herself, Shaolin Fon may not rule her orderly military mind but she still rules a major part of her heart. Ok, fine, she’s as much of a romantic and an idealist as she was back then. And it’s not like Yoruichi-sama makes it any easier. Occasionally, it is kind of nice to lose yourself in the fantasy of the damsel in distress, especially when your charming princess happens to be quite competent in her role as your saviour.  
  
Oh, and there’s that stupid, _stupid_ smile.  
  
“Sold! A date with Soi Fon of Division 2 goes to Shihouin Yoruichi-sama for 400,000 Kan.”  
  
Soi Fon watches as the excited grin spread across Yoruichi’s face, feeling her own lips quirking up in response. Only Yoruichi can get away with that pleased, self-assured look, sly cat that she is. Soi Fon rolls her eyes, not entirely sure if it’s directed at herself or at Yoruichi childishly sticking her tongue out at Enjouji.  
  
A flash and suddenly Yoruichi is too close, too fast. Soi Fon doesn’t get a chance to cover up her accidental hitch of breath with a cough. Yoruichi smirks at her knowingly but at least she refrained from her usual teasing. Soi Fon’s allowed to turn away to hide her blush with her dignity intact. For now anyway.  
  
Soi Fon catches a movement by her side, turning to find Yoruichi with her arm extended, “Shall we?”  
  
It’s kind of scary, seeing Yoruichi before her now. The laughter in those warm eyes and the familiarity of her reiatsu don’t stop a sense of uncertainty creeping up upon Soi Fon. When you’ve forced yourself into thinking you’ll never be worthy enough in her company and spend a whole century hating her and trying to surpass her, only to find that you still can’t. Well, that deeply ingrained sense of inferiority does mock any bit of confidence you might have gained. Soi Fon still doesn’t quite believe Yoruichi is here. Standing before her with an assuring smile and holding her arm out like the elegant noble that she is.  
  
Yoruichi must have noticed the wave of uncertainty flickering across her face (of course she does). She nudges her gently, throwing a playful wink at her when Soi Fon finally looks up. That and a feather light whisper of _come on_ are enough to snap her out of her thoughts.  
  
Shaolin Fon would be a timid, stammering mess by now. But seasoned captain of the deadliest squad of Gotei 13 would simply toss her hair back and return Yoruichi with a confident smile before taking her arm. She allows Yoruichi to lead her, shunpo-ing off into the crowd.  
  
Well, what can she say, a flashy entrance and exit befitting the Shunshin herself.

 

* * *

 

Soi Fon and Yoruichi slow to a normal pace a fair distance away from the auction ground. Soi Fon notices the presence of another before she gets a chance to speak. She really should know by now, nothing is supposed to ever go according to her plans today.  
  
“ _Are_ ,” Urahara approaches them, acting uncannily like those bored gossipy housewives. “Looks like you made it, Yoruichi.”  
  
“Kisuke, I thought you said you were gonna help me out,” Yoruichi complains as she throws a punch at his shoulder.  
  
“But I did!”  
  
“Then why did I almost lose that bid to that Enjouji bastard?”  
  
Urahara chuckles, tapping his closed fan on Yoruichi’s shoulder, “I threw out the bid and stalled him. Just like you asked. You can only blame yourself for your own tardiness.”  
  
“What the hell is going on?” Soi Fon looks at the two. Yoruichi has gone uncharacteristically quiet, fidgeting with the ends of her scarf. Urahara, on the other hand, seems to be enjoying the awkwardness that’s starting to seep into the atmosphere.  
  
He gives an offhand wave of his fan, “You should be thanking me, you know. Both of you. I mean, I could be taking a nap back home right now but...”  
  
Soi Fon shoots the shameless man an icy sidelong look.  
  
“Right.” Yoruichi snorts, “Like you weren’t the one that told me about the auction thing in the first place. Plus, I do remember you yakking on about how you want a date with, and I quote, the _gorgeous gentleman_ Ukitake-taichou.”  
  
Lost in her own thoughts, Soi Fon doesn’t really catch the rest of their banter. Their appearance in Soul Society is a rare occurrence and she still hasn’t figured out why (maybe she has but those are probably her own wistful thinking). Any sort of interaction outside of the standard working relationship they have is uncommon, even after the charges against Urahara and Yoruichi were dropped.  
  
She hates to admit it but Urahara is quite right. For one who usually stands on the sidelines, jumping out and stalling Enjouji’s bid isn’t something he would do. It doesn't matter if he’s motivated by his loyalty to Yoruichi or actually feels sorry for her, Soi Fon knows that she probably owes him this one. So she gives him a curt nod. But even that doesn’t hide the sincere gratitude in her next word.  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“W-what?”  
“ _Ehhhh_?”  
  
The gaping looks of disbelief on both Yoruichi and Urahara’s faces are just plain offensive.  
  
Soi Fon heaves out an exasperated sigh. She may be distant but she’s not exactly rude. “You heard me.” She grumbles out as they snicker at her, “I am not saying it twice.”  
  
Urahara catches her eye and holds her gaze, wearing a look she can’t really describe. Maybe she’s projecting, but for a moment, it feels like they’ve both reached a point of mutual understanding, or perhaps even respect.  
  
Sobering up, Yoruichi clears her throat, “Yeah, well. Kisuke, thanks for being useful, I guess.”  As if to hide her moment of sincerity, she reaches out and roughly pulls his hat down over his eyes.

 

* * *

 

By the time Yoruichi and Soi Fon stop again, they’re back near the Division 2 barracks. This is the first time, today, that Soi Fon is alone with her with no further interruptions imminent. Almost afraid they’ll be interrupted again, she can’t help the way her question rushes out so clumsily.  
  
“I don’t quite understand, Yoruichi-sama. Why did you participate in the auction? I mean, surely you’re well aware that there’s no need for you to ‘buy’ my company.” She fumbles and curses her regression into that awkward, shy teenager. (Even after an entire century of “growth”, she’s still...) “What I’m trying to say is-”  
  
“I know what you’re trying to say, Little Bee, so calm your buzzing.” Yoruichi ruffles her hair fondly. There’s a slight pause (but it’s enough for the Commander of the Onmitsukidou to notice her expression flickering between serious and playful).  
  
“Let’s just say I’m a bit attached to SWA. So, you know, a bit of donation for a good cause and all that.”  
  
Soi Fon thinks that maybe, by now, she’s perceptive enough to pick up when someone is leaving things half unsaid. But then again, her judgement is always clouded by her own feelings when it comes to this woman. So she swears she wouldn’t get her hopes up. That she should just take whatever Yoruichi says at face value. The only response she ends up giving was a few nods before they both start walking again.  
  
The silence that settles over the two isn’t the least bit uncomfortable - more closer to relaxed. Soi Fon isn’t sure why she’s surprised. Nothing between them is exactly new. Her hardened personality always, _always_ melt away whenever she feels that calming pulse of Yoruichi’s reiatsu.  
  
(What if she never left?)  
  
(What if she took her along?)  
  
Yoruichi speaks up again, her unusually emotional tone slicing through Soi Fon’s thoughts, “You’re worth a hell lot more than that Enjouji kid can offer you, you know? You’re worth more than whatever pitiful amount I threw out too."  
  
Soi Fon remains quiet, partly because she’s still trying to drag herself back to the present. She watches her mentor, the embodiment of confidence itself, struggle to find her words.  
  
(She tries not to jump ahead, lest she misinterprets her words. So she waits.)  
  
(Waiting, she’s learnt by now, is her biggest asset. Both on and off the field.)  
  
Yoruichi runs her fingers through her hair in frustration, getting caught in the resulting tangles. "I just... I just think that if I win the bid, then maybe you wouldn't think the day would be a waste. I know I'm being presumptuous here but honestly speaking, I'm pretty sure it'd be more fun spending time with me than Enjouji or whoever."  
  
Despite the slight cockiness of her words, Yoruichi looks anything but that. For the first time, Soi Fon realises, their positions might have swapped. She's the one unfazed for once.  
  
...So this is what it feels like.  
  
She smiles softly at her bashful companion, letting out some of her deepest affection to warm her gaze. Even if she tried to hide her crush back then, she knows Yoruichi was perceptive enough to at least suspect it. But now, after months of working on restoring their friendship and working as equals, Soi Fon no longer actively hides her feelings. It would be a futile attempt anyway.  
  
(But there's only one thing she has promised herself not to do.)  
  
(The ball is in Yoruichi's court and, really, always has been.)  
  
Then again, even if Soi Fon has to be patient, it doesn't mean she couldn't still nudge her a little.  
  
"Since you did win the bid, I have to spend the rest of the day on a date with you.” Soi Fon pretends to mull over her words, “So what should we do, Yoruichi-sama?"  
  
Soi Fon's a little taken aback by her own flirtatious tone and judging by the look Yoruichi currently wears, she is too. But Yoruichi recovers quickly and smoothly, grinning wide and mischievous in return.  
  
"Well..."  
  
There's a flash and Yoruichi disappears from her side. Only for Soi Fon to find gold eyes and teasing smirk mere inches from her face.  
  
"How about a classic game of tag?" Ghost of a touch and whispers of a breeze through her hair. "You're it."  
  
With an echoing chuckle, Soi Fon is left with the afterimage of her Shunshin once more.  
  
At least this time, she knows she can catch up.


End file.
